Drowning, Dying & Moving On

I’m drowning in pain,
It hurts too much that I could not explain.
I’m drowning in tears,
After loving you all this years.

I’m dying inside,
That I could not hide.
I’m here all alone, dying
All through the night I’m crying.

I’m moving on, I’ll try
But still asking myself why.
Why am I moving on with your goodbye?
When I still don’t want our love to die.

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Did I Marry the Right Person? ~ Bro Bo Sanchez

The Key to Succeeding in Marriage is not finding the Right Person; It’s Learning to Love the Person You Found!

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said,

“How do I know if I married the right person?”

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said,

“It depends. Is that your husband?”

In all seriousness, she answered,

“How do you know?”

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind. Here’s the answer:

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love… because it’s happening TO YOU. People in love sometimes say,

“I was swept off my feet.”

Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU. Falling in love is easy. It’s a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It’s the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking,

“Did I marry the right person?”

And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages break down. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this): The Key To Succeeding In Marriage Is Not Finding The Right Person; It’s Learning To Love The Person You Found! SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVER just happen to you. You can’t “find” LASTING love. You have to “make” it day in and day out. That’s why we have the expression “the labor of love.” Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It’s a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. .. You can “make” love. Love in marriage is indeed a “decision”… not just a feeling.

Being happy doesn’t mean every thing’s perfect. It means you’ve decided to see beyond the imperfections.

Friends Make Your Life Longer

friends1I have known so many people I call friends. I’ve met the worst people – people who lie everyday. People who pretend to be nice but they are not. Be careful of them. They are all around you. People who have nothing but to mind others’ lives or join others in whatever issues about you. I’m not the sweet or nice type of person who pretends to be nice with everybody in order for me to gain friends. I’m a friendly person and I love interacting with different people. I look snobbish at first but once you’ve talked to me and we hit with our conversations, that may be a beginning of a good friendship. I say anything I want, kind of tackless at times. I laugh all the time and enjoy having a good time with my friends. Honestly, friendship is very important for me. I do ways to keep the friendship longer. If you’ve had a ruined friendship because of some nonsense reasons, that’s not friendship at all. What I really like about having friends is I’ve got to see and know their attitudes. It’s either you accept it or not but I have learned that no matter how hard you try to accept and understand someone, your effort will be worthless if that someone is really at its worst and don’t want to be accepted or understood.

I can say that friendship is the secret to a longer life. I don’t think people without friends, loners or hates people, have this good or healthy life. Friendships play an important role in maintaining a good health and having a long life especially in times of problems. As of now, social ties are the cheapest medicine we’ve got for everyone. A friend can boost your chances of surviving anything. A friend gives you longer life expectancies. I’ve known some who are isolated from other people and they are not living a happy and healthy life. A friend lessens the suffering from depression, anxiety and other type of mental illnesses. A friend encourages you to take good care of yourself or even takes care of you. A friend calms your fears and gives you hope. A friend stays with you in any situation or any crisis. So if you have friends you can depend at all times, keep them! It’s hard to find true friends nowadays.

Abelard & Heloise: Middle Ages’ Famous Lovers

8Abelard and Heloise are the Middle Ages’ most famous star-crossed lovers and letter writers. Abelard, a tutor of theology at Paris’ Notre Dame Cathedral, fell in love with his pupil Heloise. She is the niece of the hot-tempered Canon Fulbert. She bore Abelard’s child name Astrolabe who is named after an astronomical instrument for measuring time. Abelard and Heloise were secretly married.

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Fulbert got angry with Abelard for soiling the family’s honor by naming his nephew after an astronomical instrument and had Abelard castrated by his henchmen. Abelard became a monk and Heloise a nun. Despite separate cloisters, they maintained a passionate epistolary relationship and are entombed together in Paris’ Pere Lachaise Cemetery. A sculpture if Heloise embracing Abelard’s severed gonads can be found at Paris’ Conciergerie prison.

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Working with Idiots Can Kill You

4I saw this article in my colleague’s workplace. Funny and true.

WORKING WITH IDIOTS CAN KILL YOU

STOCKHOLM — Idiots in the office are just as hazardous to your health as cigarettes, caffeine or greasy food, an eye-opening new study reveals. In fact, those dopes can kill you!

Stress is one of the top causes of heart attacks — and working with stupid people on a daily basis is one of the deadliest forms of stress, according to researchers at Sweden’s Lindbergh University Medical Center.

The author of the study, Dr. Dagmar Andersson, says her team studied 500 heart attack patients, and were puzzled to find 62 percent had relatively few of the physical risk factors commonly blamed for heart attacks.

“Then we questioned them about lifestyle habits, and almost all of these low-risk patients told us they worked with people so stupid they can barely find their way from the parking lot to their office. And their heart attack came less than 12 hours after having a major confrontation with one of these oafs.

“One woman had to be rushed to the hospital after her assistant shredded important company tax documents instead of copying them. A man told us he collapsed right at his desk because the woman at the next cubicle kept asking him for correction fluid — for her computer monitor.

“You can cut back on smoking or improve your diet,” Dr. Andersson says, “but most people have very poor coping skills when it comes to stupidity — they feel there’s nothing they can do about it, so they just internalize their frustration until they finally explode.”

Stupid co-workers can also double or triple someone’s work load, she explains. “Many of our subjects feel sorry for the drooling idiots they work with, so they try to cover for them by fixing their mistakes. One poor woman spent a week rebuilding client records because a clerk put them all in the ‘recycle bin’ of her computer and then emptied it — she thought it meant the records would be recycled and used again.”

Something Worth Reading

22I read a lot, as in a lot. I read during my free time. I read most of the time in the bath room. I read before I sleep. I read during vacation trips. I’m really addictive in reading anything! I really had more time sleeping, eating, surfing the net and reading after I resigned from office. I’ve been reading Heartbeat by Danielle Steel since last week, and still enjoying it. I love the twist of the story. It is really one amazing novel that will not disappoint the readers.

Kat gave me a book, The Dictionary of Love by John Stark, Will Hopkins and Mary K. Baumann, as a gift, last Sunday, May 3, 2009. I saw this book in a book sale in National Bookstore, Cybermall in Eastwood, Libis. I really like the book  the first time I saw it. Maybe because…it’s about love. I decided not to buy it because I’ve been spending a lot in my job requirements. I just told Kat that I’m interested in the book and planned to buy it soon. I was surprised that she looked for the book herself and buy it for me!

The Dictionary of Love is a three hundred-page book that gets to the heart of the matter.

21It’s all about anything you’ve ever wanted to know about love including love songs, poems, history, law books, sex manuals, medical and psychology texts, folklore, modern science, cookbooks, classical literature, Internet dating sites, TV shows, and today’s slang. I’d be happy to share some here in my blog. If you want to say “I love you” in thousands of unexpected ways, this is the best book to read. For guys, you can give it as a gift to ladies in additional to the traditional flowers and chocolates.

This is really one interesting book anyone can enjoy anytime.

Thanks Kat!

Is Online Dating Dangerous?

internet-dating-photoNowadays, online dating sites are widespread in the Internet. It is very in demand to all singles. Engaging with online dating has advantages and disadvantages. It may be popular right now but you should think first before involving in this latest trend of meeting new people.

First time users of online dating sites find the experience amazing attracting them to continually communicate with other online daters. Don’t enjoy too much and take it all seriously because you might end up meeting the wrong person. If you are brave enough to take the risk of meeting bad company, then do what you want. Since online dating is risky, you might meet someone who will deceive and exploit you.

People are being too much addicted to online dating that they spend a lot of time in front of computer finding their perfect match or prospects. They forget to do their everyday activities like working, sleeping and even eating. Exaggerated but true. They even get irritated quickly when they experience problems with their computer or the website itself.

If you’re really interested in dating online, make sure you choose an online dating website which is not involve with scamming. Remember, you are there to meet new people and not to be a victim of scams. If the website has membership fee, make sure it has many members before you sign up to avoid wasting your money on its online dating services.

Not everything about online dating is bad. It provides many advantages too. It will give you a wider selection men and women profiles on its database from their characteristics and everything. It’s like meeting your perfect match before seeing him/her personally. Some online daters enjoy giving notes and letters to others to express what they feel. Some people love the excitement and mystery of having a relationship online.

Internet has been a great help to people but we should not abuse its use. Online dating is part of the online industry. People should discipline themselves to avoid getting addicted to it. Meeting new people and finding your match is not bad but do it the right and safest way. If online dating is not for you, don’t insist. There are still other options you can try to meet your partner.

*** This article was originally written by me for a dating website, one of the clients of my employer.